Thursday, 27 November 2008

I have a criminal mind

Excusez moi, if I make myself bold and speak in honesty. Yes, I do happen to possess a mind that has criminal inclinations - not that I have stepped out and tripped an old lady or poured salt over a harmless slug making its tedious crawl home-wards.

But every so often I find myself thinking - What if I salted that slug? What if, accidentally (of course) I happen to step on one? Which would be worse - stepping on it while wearing stilettos or flats?

And equally often, I wonder what would happen if I did actually indulge in making my thoughts happen for real.

Every time I walk past a busker on the Tube, I instinctively look at the change he's managed to collect, in spite of his horrid entertaining skills. And I wonder to myself if anyone would be cruel enough to steal his hard earned cash - well, it would be quite easy to do this you see. They don't necessarily have electric fencing surrounding their collection boxes. And come to think of it, it wouldn't be very hard to pick the bowl and run - it would take the busker forever to put down his guitar, gather his senses and run after the petty thief. And I've come to the conclusion that this is do-able. Would I do it myself? Erm, lets leave it at that!

Ok, my criminal thoughts don't stop here..... While waiting for the tube/train everyday I take great care to leave a 1 metre distance between myself and the edge of the platform. Why? Well, what if some one pushed me!! I can't imagine why any person would be overcome by an exceptionally violent urge to give little me a nudge and tip me off the platform, but WHAT IF?! Just in case someone might be thinking like me, I dig my feel into the ground (figuratively) and keep my distance.

The more I think about this the more evidence I find which would surely class me as criminal!